Before You Call a Child “Aggressive,” Ask: What Happened First?
Parents of Brave Hearts Case Study
Written by Chotimanee Guandique
Founder & Family Resource Connector
A New School, New Teachers, New Staff and a Child Still Learning to Communicate
Imagine a child who is autistic and non-speaking.
The child recently started at a new school with new teachers, new staff, a new classroom, new routines, and new expectations.
About a month into the school year, a behavior consultant or teacher tells the parents:
“Your child is aggressive, and we are seeing more behaviors at this time.”
For a parent, hearing this can be frightening, confusing, and frustrating.
The parent may immediately wonder:
What behaviors are you seeing?
When are they happening?
What is happening before the behavior?
Does my child understand what is being asked of them?
Does the staff understand how my child communicates?
And most importantly:
“What happened immediately before the behavior?”
Look Beyond the Label
Calling a child “aggressive” describes how the behavior may look, but it does not necessarily explain why the behavior happened.
A child might:
Throw a toy
Push or throw a chair
Run out of the classroom
Hit or slap
Push objects or people
Spit
Bite
Yell or cry
Refuse an activity
Drop to the floor
These behaviors should be taken seriously, especially when there are safety concerns.
But the next step should be understanding the circumstances surrounding the behavior.
Ask:
What happened immediately before?
What was the child being asked to do?
Was the child transitioning to another activity?
Was the child asked to complete difficult or unfamiliar work?
Was the child told “no” or denied access to something?
Was the environment noisy or overwhelming?
Was there a change in routine?
Was the child interacting with another student?
Was the child trying to communicate a need?
Could the child have been experiencing frustration, discomfort, pain, or sensory overload?
How did staff respond?
What happened immediately afterward?
A Non-Speaking Child May Communicate Through Behavior
For a child who is non-speaking, behavior may sometimes be one way the child communicates.
The child may be communicating:
“This is too hard.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I need a break.”
“I don’t want to do this.”
“Something is bothering me.”
“It’s too loud.”
“I need help.”
“I don’t know how to tell you what I need.”
This does not mean that unsafe behavior should be ignored or excused.
It means adults should look at the behavior as information and ask:
“What is this behavior telling us?”
The First Month at a New School Matters
A new school can be a major transition for any child.
For an autistic child who is non-speaking, the transition may involve many changes at once:
New classroom.
New teachers.
New paraprofessionals.
New behavior staff.
New routines.
New expectations.
New students.
New sensory environment.
New communication partners.
The school team may need time to learn:
How the child communicates
How the child expresses “yes” and “no”
How the child requests something
How the child shows discomfort
What situations are difficult
What helps the child regulate
What motivates the child
What strategies have worked previously
What signs appear before the child becomes overwhelmed
The first month should provide an opportunity for observation and relationship-building, not simply a label.
Parents: Ask for the Details
If a teacher or behavior consultant says:
“Your child has more behaviors than last year.”
It is reasonable for a parent to ask:
“Can you give me specific examples?”
Ask:
What behavior are you observing?
How often is it happening?
When does it usually happen?
What happened immediately before it?
What activity was my child doing?
Who was present?
Where did it happen?
What exactly did my child do?
How long did it last?
How did staff respond?
What happened immediately afterward?
What strategies have staff tried?
What strategies have worked?
Are you seeing a pattern?
What communication or replacement skill are you teaching my child?
What additional support does the team believe my child needs?
Don’t Just Ask “What Did My Child Do?”
Try asking the school to look at the entire sequence:
BEFORE → BEHAVIOR → RESPONSE → AFTER
Before:
What happened or what was the child asked to do?
⬇️
Behavior:
What exactly did the child do?
⬇️
Response:
How did adults respond?
⬇️
After:
What happened next?
This information can help the team identify patterns and determine what support may be appropriate.
Parents Can Ask for Observation and Data
If the school is reporting frequent or increasing behaviors, parents can ask:
“Can we document the behaviors so we can identify when they are happening and what is happening before and after them?”
Instead of receiving a general statement such as:
“He has a lot of behaviors.”
parents can ask for specific information about:
Frequency
Duration
Location
Activity
People involved
Antecedents
Staff response
Outcome
Patterns over time
This can create a much clearer picture of what the child is experiencing.
What About an FBA?
When challenging behaviors are persistent, significant, or interfering with a child’s education or safety, parents can ask the school whether a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) would be appropriate.
Parents can ask:
“Would an FBA help us understand what may be contributing to these behaviors and what supports my child may need?”
An FBA can help a team examine patterns surrounding behavior rather than simply describing the child as “aggressive.”
Depending on the child’s needs and educational circumstances, parents may also want to discuss whether behavioral supports or a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) are appropriate.
What Parents Can Say in the Moment
If a teacher tells you:
“Your child is aggressive.”
You can remain calm and ask:
“Thank you for letting me know. I want to understand what is happening. Can you tell me what happened immediately before the behavior, what my child did, how staff responded, and what happened afterward?”
If the school says:
“We are seeing more behaviors this year.”
You can ask:
“Can you give me specific examples and help me understand whether there is a pattern?”
And if the behaviors continue:
“Can we work together to identify what may be contributing to the behavior and what support or communication skills we can teach my child?”
Parents Are Not Blaming the School
Asking questions does not mean a parent is blaming the teacher.
It means the parent is trying to understand the child.
Teachers and behavior professionals have an important role.
Parents also have important information about their child.
The strongest support happens when everyone works together.
The question should not simply be:
“How do we stop this behavior?”
It can also be:
“What is the child communicating, what is happening around the child, and what skills or supports can we provide?”
A New School Should Be an Opportunity to Learn the Child
Every child is different.
A new school team may need time to learn the child’s communication style, strengths, needs, triggers, preferences, and successful strategies.
Before deciding that a child is simply “aggressive,” take time to:
Observe.
Ask.
Document.
Listen.
Look for patterns.
Teach communication.
Provide support.
Don’t only ask:
“What did the child do?”
Also ask:
“What happened before?”
Because sometimes the behavior we see is only the final part of a much bigger story.
Parents of Brave Hearts
Educate • Empower • Inspire
Educational resources to help parents ask questions, understand their child’s educational experience, and work collaboratively with schools and professionals.
Written by Chotimanee Guandique
Founder & Family Resource Connector, ParentsOfBraveHearts
This resource is for educational purposes only. It is not legal, medical, psychological, behavioral, or therapeutic advice. Every child is different, and families should work with qualified professionals to determine appropriate supports.
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